Hey peeps! Happy Friday! It’s especially happy for me because after MONTHS of wondering what the heck was going on with my body, we finally have answers. Ever since I had Amelia, I could just feel something was off. Of course there’s the grief my body was experiencing and trying to deal with, but my hormones were also completely crazy. I haven’t had an actual “real” period since January and that has hindered my ovulation . We are trying to have another baby so clearly this is posing a problem, haha.
I’ve felt for quite some time that I needed something stronger than herbs and natural remedies to manage whatever was happening to me. I am not exaggerating when I say I have tried every herb, tea, and diet changes to try and fix this issue, but still nothing changed. You name it, I tried it or read all about it. It’s extremely disappointing when month after month we’re still in this struggle.
I had also been trying to get in to see my gynecologist for months! Every single time I made an appointment with her, it got moved or canceled or someone scheduled it with the wrong doctor. Bryson and I started feeling that maybe she wasn’t the doctor for me anymore. That was really hard for me to accept. She’s the doctor who helped us heal after our baby died. She had only met us one time before she died, but treated us like I had been a patient of hers for years. She mourned with us and answered hundreds of my questions, but she just wasn’t accessible anymore.
Now that we are moving more west (yay!), we figured it was a good time to start looking for a new doctor. I did so much research and finally settled on an practice that only has male doctors, something I had never been comfortable. I scheduled an appointment anyway and the doctor immediately put me at ease by telling me he was once a resident of my previous doctor. We bonded over our love for her and he shared some stories. That connection gave me such an insane amount of peace that this was were God wanted us. He listened to all my concerns, and ultimately agreed that I probably am not ovulating on my own. Then he mentioned Femara.
I have done a ton of research on Femara, mostly because I’ve done a ton of research on Clomid. Both are drugs that literally send a hormone through your body telling it that it’s time to ovulate. I actually first read about them years ago. My periods have been wacky and ridiculous way before now and I was always concerned about my hormones and whether or not I was ovulating properly. In fact, the whole reason we got pregnant with Amelia is because I had been on birth control for a few months and it made me crazy, haha. I stopped and BAM, I was pregnant! My new doctor said that was probably the first time I had ovulated in a really, really long time. That’s insane.
We agreed to run some blood work and perform and ultrasound to make sure my ovaries were good to go, and if everything came back, we would either start the Femara or Clomid.
Last week we got all the results in and the only thing he’s concerned about is the number of my thyroid hormones. They are a little low and just for the purpose of trying to conceive, he’s going to put me on some medication that I will take until child birth. Thyroid hormones play a huge role in ovulation and overall fertility health. The fact that this hormone is a little off could be what the problem is. I also got cleared to go ahead and try 2 rounds of Femara! You guys, this is the most hopeful I’ve felt about having another baby since Amelia died. I have literally been beaming since we got that news. Last Friday I picked up the thyroid meds and the Femara, as well as progesterone pills to bring on a period so I’m not waiting MONTHS for one to show up, haha. I will be starting the Femara on cycle day 3 (cycle day 1 is the first day of a period), and take it until cycle day 7 and then hopefully I will ovulate!
We are one step closer to having another baby and I am feeling so blessed by all the ways God spoke to me that lead us here. I haven’t told very many people this, but the day we found out I was pregnant with Amelia, the first thing I said to Bryson was, “What if the baby dies?”. I had no reason to feel that way, but those words just came out. I spent my whole pregnancy crying to people telling them I didn’t feel connected to her, she didn’t kick, I couldn’t “see” her face in our future. I know maybe it doesn’t make sense and the guilt of all that still kills me inside, but I truly believe God was trying to shield me at least a tiny bit from the pain of losing her.
This next baby will be so different. I can already see him or her. I feel like it’s so close to happening for us and I am holding on to that hope. I am holding on to God’s promise that he will give us a happy, healthy baby for dear life.
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD! – Psalm 113:9